Song of My Day.

You
In your shell
Are you waiting for someone to rescue you
From yourself
Don't be disappointed when no one comes

Don't blame me you didn't get it
Don't blame me you didn't get it
Don't blame me you didn't get it

I already told you that falling is easy
It's getting back up that becomes the problem
Becomes the problem
If you don't believe you can find a way out
You've become the problem
Become the problem

You
All alone
Are you waiting for someone to make you whole?
Can't you see?
Aren't you tired of this dysfunctional routine?

Don't blame me you didn't get it
Don't blame me you didn't get it
Don't blame me you didn't get it

I already told you that falling is easy
It's getting back up that becomes the problem
Becomes the problem
If you don't believe you can find a way out
You've become the problem
Become the problem

I already told you that falling is easy
It's getting back up that becomes the problem
Becomes the problem
If you don't believe you can find a way out
You've become the problem
Become the problem

Falling is easy
It's getting back up that becomes the problem
Becomes the problem
And if you believe you can find a way out
Then you've solved the problem
You've solved your problem.

-Staind "falling"

My song of the day...Got nothing else to say. Not depressed just reminds me of situations.

Wow

I don’t feel like writing anything deep or adoring. Not much is adoring so I have to refuse to write about it. My brother is back with his other twin. I can’t say how happy I am that he’s around now. I was very pleased to find that he is still the same Matty I know and love to death. Wonderful : ) Next up, Pauly leaves for school soon, I hope no one around here excepts me to be happy for a while. Ha, because their expectations are just short of never happening. Hummm Hummmm, today I start working out? To get ready for basic... maybe I’ll start eating my food grinded up and dried as well. Yeah, fat chance. But any who, figured I’d leave a short shit of a post. Isn’t it lovely? Please don’t lie. Which by the way I found an interesting quote either out of a t.v. show or book. I can’t think of which one I it was but it goes like this “People who tell the truth aren’t creative enough to make up a believable story”, truly if you have any morals, you wont find that amusing. I don’t have anything to lie about but if I did the creative shit I would make up.

Anyways. That’s enough fun for the day, grabbing the bro-ha and headed to run my three miles. Or maybe two…or even one. It will be fun no matter what. I think?

Hearts In A Couple Peices.

I got out of work this morning. Bitching, at the world at my car at the stupid floor cleaners for having to wax and screw up my blocking rituals. Bitching at my car (not mine but my mothers) for drinking an unknown fluid. Bitching about Pauly Pocket for not having told me his “grand ol’ news” earlier. Bitching about Tom and how he didn’t say but 5 words to me at work. Mad that Eddie wasn’t there to call me princess, mad I couldn’t go down to get my brother with my parents. Bitch Bitch bitch, about MONEY…god the money. I wish I had enough to shove in peoples mouths to make them shut up. Put up. And go away. Bitching about anything and everything. Just not a happy camper. Because I have so much to BITCH about. I walk into my house. Climbing the damn steps, pretty sure I bitched about the steps being to large for my harley of an ass to go up. Complaining the whole way. I get to the computer and the first thing I always do is go to my moms blog. Just to see what’s going on. The first words I see are of Joshua’s, I of course want to turn away because even though I never knew this big brother of mine, I can’t handle reading about him. It hurts and I don’t know why. I have no reason for it to hurt. But I read. I cried…And cried. I think when I finally got to his picture I walked down stairs and cried into my pillow. I complain all night about everything I have. I come home to read this post that breaks my heart but at the same time makes me want to hug my mom.

She’s been through a lot. I have tried. I have prayed even though I don’t know who to any more, but I do only hope for the best. Even when she hurts my feelings, or hurts my ego, I hit the center of the earth today. My petty problems are my own. I’ll figure out how to deal. But my mom, got a gift. That dream. It breaks my heart that I could never meet this amazing child but I can’t stop crying. For once, I am beside myself and speechless. I pray this is what is needed to help her. I also pray once again to I don’t know who, that my big brother is the angle for all of us.

I don’t have much else to say, but after a 30 minute cry and a walk to clear my eyes. I actually opened up to the sun today. I have nothing to complain about. Not now. Not for a while. Now I’m just amazed.

Love you Joshy.

Hair Extenions

…Are indeed a waste of money? But I must say I am willing to waste 25 dollars to do it, once again. In fact I did and right after I’m done writing this I will head my fanny down stairs to take a gander and the work in which I must do to my hair. My mother calls it my mullet. She is correct. It looks like a mullet when I wake up, when I wash my hair and if I don’t hair spray it enough. The thing is, is that I regret cutting my hair more then anything else that I have ever done in my short 19 years of life. Call me shallow, I won’t mind. I miss my hair. Which bring me to another piece of the part of the pie if you will? Hair, it looks amazing long and flowing in the wind and to hold that power to feel invincible with my hair…(if you’re a girly) well it’s a feeling women take for miss fortune. The reason I say this, I will be soon, oh so very soon, going off to boot camp where my hair will forever be in a tight bun up to regulations of the USAF. I will then learn on my days off just how lucky I am to have a day off and wear my hair down. This is where I get deep. I am proud and happy I made the decision to join. I never thought little stubborn Meg would have the balls to go defend her country. So like m hair, I will be straight and with regulation all the time. 100% of my days and nights will be to this country but I have gods given gift to wear my hair down on my days off. To feel wonderful (on and off of duty). I just hope one day all those people I let down or look down on me or dislike me some days, maybe most days will say “Meg did something good”. I hope I can make them proud. I’ll still always be the same old Meg. Never willing to back down from an argument. Never putting up with the bull shit. Always trying to make some one laugh, always loving my family especially that little kiddo sister of mine. I’ll always have them wont I?


Now, in less then a week my twin will be here. The kid I used to beat the shit out of, the kid I stuck up for and got into so many physical fights to defend him right or wrong, who pushed when I could. My big brother is coming. I’m in love with that statement. But out of all things I hope one day he is as proud of me as I am of him. He’s my twin forever contacted in blood and truths, who’s only seen some of the horrible things I have seen and been through some of the roughest part of like I have been through…I hope that he out of all people besides DDG and Mizzmo along with my sister is proud of me. I owe him forever and what ever I can give I will. He’s 19 as am I, and will endure a lot moving out here to the east coast but like I said before he’s Matty. My big brother. He can do it. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is a hard worker. He WILL make my mom and DDG proud and with the help of those two, the man he is will become even better. I’ll help him as much as I can in the next 3 months I have left with him, but again. He is a man; he will do what’s best for him. I miss him, it’s been two years and I get to see the kid again. So very excited.

But that’s enough of the deep shit for this part; I want to mention my job. My place of work. I work night crew. I stock shelves. I get looked down upon for the work I do, like I’m scum…all of the guys I work with can relate. Who would ever want that job? Haha, we would. Those amazing guys and I. Do you ever wonder how the store is always stocked or who puts the hard work into making sure the food that you buy is there for you to get? The “scum” does. Let me reassure you we are not scum. The guys I work with are pretty damn amazing. They make my job the best I have had yet. We work 10pm-7am every day. We throw shit on the shelf pull it forward and make sure it’s all up to company standards before we leave. We work pretty damn hard. But still when the morning comes. People walk in and look at us…like we are no good. The guys and I (the reason for saying that is because I work with 12 guys and I being the only girl) laugh at remarks like this or when people turn up their noses at us. We really do laugh. Because no matter what a store would never get stocked if people like us weren’t there to do it. That means you would have no food to buy. So the next time your in a store, grab a comment card and write something about thanking the “scum” that works over night to make sure you get the products you want : )

Sassy aye? I think so. Strong feelings towards something I love, such as my job.

Lastly, I want to tell my mom, that no matter what, you’re bringing my brother out here and in time or maybe even now his will thank you for helping him and his future out. You and DDG are both amazing for the work that’s about bestow you. Matty probably wont fight with you like do, and he will probably give you a more “grown up” response to your questions unlike I do, but he will thank you. You’re going to do great things to lead that kid in the right way. I love ya, I may be a bitch sometimes but hell 3 more months and you won’t have to worry about my ass making a fool out of itself any longer.

That’s it for today I think. Yeah yeah, I’m done. Good night :)

Ten Days Later...

To all of you that work 40+ hours a week. Come home and be a parent then blog, I give you props like you wouldn’t believe. I figured since I was working at night and had motivation to blog I would more often. Well it’s been ten days and I can say that this is not the case. I can have more motivation then super man at 3 in the morning to come home and write an entry and by the time 8 am comes. All I want to do is say good night to my friends and go to bed. So please forgive me. I will try harder.

As for the rest of life. It’s good. In a matter of 11 days my twin will be living in the same house as me and I am extremely interested to see how that goes. I haven’t seen him for a while and I will admit he is the one and only person I miss from back in Washington besides my littler brother Noaky. Above all I love him and have missed him. If I were still in Washington I would be going right down the shitter if you will, my mom and step dad have bravely taken me on and their time was well spent. No matter what they got me and in the end my accomplishments as well. They will be starting a new chapter when I finally fly the coop and go do my duties in the Air Force. They will have my twin. They will be setting him on the right path and for two individuals to do that…is really damn down straight breathe taking. I love them for what they embark on. My brother will finally be in good hands and it’s a blessing, as he should count on it too, that they have greatly taken him in under their wings.

Any other part of my life is the regular right now. I know normal doesn’t put asses in the seats but hell nothing about my life isn’t normal at them moment. I will try to blog once or twice every two weeks. So we will see what happens. Don’t hold me to that.


: )

Time Not Wasted

I promised myself back at college I wouldn’t write on a blog any more. It caused problems and I had nothing really to say. As the days in my life go by I guess you could say I’m growing up. My opinion on much doesn’t change but what I do, does.

I recently took a trip of a life time to BlogFest. To put it simply, it was amazing. I have never met finer people in my life. My emotions on the topic change throughout the day because of how much I figured out I miss it. I miss Virginia and I was there for 4 days. I met people that I never want to lose. I met women from all over the country that had opinions all over the score board. If I could have just been a bystander off in the marshes while all these women were taking pictures or hid under the deck, on which we had many meals, I would have been just as content. Real feelings, real laughter and real smiles were all you got there. That’s enough to make a person shut up and smile themselves.

I had my own worries coming into this get together. Being a 19 year old, getting prepared to enter basic for the Air Force in a few short months, and being a loud mouth that people have already read enough about in my mother’s blog, I can clearly say I had a reputation to uphold. I couldn’t speak my mind there as I pleased and I couldn't swear as much as usually did…or so I thought. I watched my mouth but I didn’t shut it and for the most part to my knowledge I don’t think many people minded. I was welcomed the way I was. . . bitching about having to wear a dress, swearing at fiddler crabs, and just merely being 19.

I have a story about each one of the ladies and one day I will tell you them all. Every one should understand the joys I went through with this crowd. It really is breathtaking but I’ll save that for a different time.

I live in Maine so Virginia was a huge difference. I loved it and would very much so love to move down there after my career in the Air Force. We all can have goals can’t we…? I learned a lot about the outside world there. What humidity really was and what REAL bugs were...




That small microscopic “thing” if found in grasses that retarded teenagers run through, such as myself….But I didn’t get any…they are called Chiggers. Small bugs the nestle themselves in a humans hair follicles thus causing… bites that look like the one on this lady's (assuming it is a woman due to the nail polish) foot.



I can tell you after I found out that they lived in the grasses of this beautiful place I loved so much, I did not walk across any lawns and it wasn’t because I was being polite.

Over all I was treated as an adult in an adult situation. It felt good to share the same jokes and understand the stories the women told. I felt like I belonged with them.

Lastly and most importantly, I have my mother to thank for this trip…I am so very proud we didn’t kill each other going down or coming back up but most importantly…she did it. She showed how beautiful she was inside and out and I do believe she was loved by everyone.

Thanks mama
And Thank you to all of the wonderful and unforgettable ladies I met…

College Round 2

Over the course of the first semester of school I didn’t blog at all I don’t think. But now I think I would like to get into the habit of doing it again. I have the time and now I think I’d like to write. I’m “thinking” a lot know a days. Isn’t it wonderful?

After the first week of school, which I’m still going into right now it seems to be taking forever but I am extremely happy that I am back. I’ll get into winter vaca some time when I feel like it. Which probably means later on in this post.

The college experience, well isn’t that something to talk about! I love this life and it does keep me on my toes. I can never be bored. You want something to do, there always is something to do. I have explained this before. I work more then any other kid on my floor. I am running constantly and I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

This semester I have English, Data analysis, Economics, and western civilization. I have to say compared to the last semester I have a good head on my shoulders and know what will and wont work. Studying wise, socially, eating, pretty much breathing as well. I feel like this semester even though it’s the first week I’m getting my moneys worth. Economics is mind blowing and I feel like I’m getting in on a big secret that the average public doesn’t get to know. It’s an expensive secret but in the end I’m starting to feel like it will pay off.

I will blog later, but I’m back on my horse and proud to be. I know only like 5 people at most read this but I’m writing for me. Except or reject it. In the end the public eye is only one.

Haha, forgot to include my new favorite song...

Gotta Be Somebody- Nickelback
This time I wonder what it feels like To find the one in this life The one we all dream of But dreams just aren't enough So I´ll be waiting for the real thing. I'll know it by the feeling. The moment when we´re meeting Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen So I`ll be holdin’ my breath Right up to the end Until that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there. 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere. There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight And damn it this feels too right It´s just like Déjà Vu Me standin’ here with you So I´ll be holdin`my breath Could this be the end? Is it that moment when I find the one that I spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up! When you're Lookin´ for a diamond in the rough Because you never know when it shows up Make sure you´re holdin` on ‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there. And everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There has gotta be somebody for me Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there And everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There has gotta be somebody for me out there.

Haha, You've been waiting huh?

So, I imagine my like 3 readers have been wondering where I have died and went off to. In fact if they are still reading I wouldlike to say thank you and that I have been busy with this little thing called COLLEGE. College is my new boyfriend to put it lightly.

My boy friend (college) is VERY demanding. It would like at least 24 hours put of my day all days of the week. What a needy one huh? You ask how could I possibly be sharing this information with you if I came so cramped for time. Well, I’m going on my third week and I am finally settling in. Once I figure out how to re-size pictures Ill give you a birds eyes view of our dorm.

Anyways hows life treating me…wonderful. I love college and am more then willing to share but I just wanted to let you all know I am back and more then happy to let you all in on my everyday life. Well as much as the boyfriend will let me. Ill remind you again it is very demanding. I have to head to a meeting (yes at 7:30, activities J).

Write more later…promise!

Think again.

Discovering negativity is something that sucks. To put into the light contrast of words. I am a positive person, ha and some how that is irritating to type because this is all in relation to the last post I posted. Which was complete bullshit. I read it about three times this morning (afternoon if you will) and I just kept reading it. I don’t think I have ever been more stupid in my life. I’ll let you know that now when I call myself stupid it is not because I think that I, me, myself isn’t stupid. The situation and the mind frame I had with the situation is was stupid.

In this life no one is going to help you out but yourself. No one is in charge of making one single person happy and go lucky except for them selves. Life isn’t butterflies and daisies. The sun doesn’t shine all the time and some times the grass is not green on the other side. Some times when a situation is brought onto that person I think it is a test.

My test for the past I don’t know year…has been to see how far I could push myself and still believe that I was going to get some where. Now lately, I have gotten to choose, to be positive and watch things pass me by, or be negative and shove people odd left and right. There is another yet another option if you let yourself find it. After sitting in bed until three p.m. this after noon thinking about where life was going to take me.

Haha, I decided I’m not going to let life take me anywhere…I’m going to take it some where. I decided that no one got anywhere sitting around wishing everything was better. So why would do it.

Other people do have a tough life, other people do have it way harder than what I could ever dream about and that is why I pray, for them. Because I hope one day they can look at their situations and be positive and one day MAYBE JUST ONE DAY, what they have worked so hard for will turn for the better for them.

With everything I have done lately there has been a road block there to put a stop to my way. I decided that it was stupid to let it get me down and that when the car cant make it around those road blocks anymore, well that’s when you get your bike off the roof and start pedaling.

My bike is down and my helmet is on and better yet I have a couple more people with me that are singing the same tune that I am.

I’m Meaghan Farris, or my friends know me as Meaghan Fucking Farris. When I have my mind set on something I go for it. It takes a lot for me to get down. But what I realize is that every time you get knocked down it takes you that much more strength to get back up on your feet. Once you overcome one level of a game you don’t go back down. So know that I have been put down hard and have gotten up, I think I’m ready for some bigger deals and better levels. Ha at the end of every level you get a prize whether it is small or huge. It will come.

Work hard for what I want and get what I need, deserve what I ask for and work for everything that is needed.

I go this.

Venting, It'd be wrong for you to judge but you will anyways, huh?

There isn’t a better way I can say what I have to say. I want to explode with what I have to say and yet I have nothing. I want explain every vivid yet undefined line in my life. Usually I hit something when I’m irritated when I’m frustrated or confused I break things, and I hurt people. But I don’t want to do anything like that right now. Because technically this is my entire fault what ever “it” is.

“They” say you should talk to some one when you’re hurt or confused…but what happens if every ear is open to you and you don’t want to use it. They give advice that I don’t want, in the end I know myself better than anyone else, I will be polite shake my head and say thank you but I’ll never think again of what they said. I have amazing people in my life and yet, I can’t look at them without turning my head when their eyes beg me to tell them what’s wrong but I can’t open up to tell them what level of my game I am on.

I feel stupid on top of that complaining when other people have their own problems that are far bigger than my own.

Lately stress has been my middle name, I had no idea what that was until recently…what stress was. Maybe I had discovered a certain degree of it at some point but I never felt this way before.

I live by a certain phrase, Ha, I try to remember it most of the time anyone asks what my favorite quote is. “Every thing happens for a reason”- I try to live by that and not ask questions. But today, I feel like I want answers. I don’t want to ask questions I want answers as to why things turn out the way they do. I want to know why you try and nothing happens. Or when you do try and you work your ass off and try to make the outcome good nothing happens.

People say good things happen to those that deserve it. Am I not a good person, do I cuss too much? Do I act like a Bitch to much? Was I really that disrespectful? Hell, I shouldn’t be bitching right now I shouldn’t be complaining. But what the fuck…I’m going to and it won’t be pretty at all. I’d advise you to stop reading right now if you don’t want to read negative shit anymore.

Getting into college, awesome right? Most amazing time of my life right? Grand ol’ time up with the kids that I’ll be living with for the next 4 years. Ha, what the fuck is all that supposed to mean? What if you can’t even get that far? What do you tell people then? “Hey guess what guys!? I got into college but I can’t go because I didn’t work hard enough!”

DDG and my mom are damn amazing people bending over backwards at any given time. I love and respect that about them. What happens when they can no longer help. What happens when they have did every thing they could do? This is were I have discovered my passion. Being a “fuck up”. I am upset with myself for ever getting my goddamn hopes up….what was I expecting, shit to be handed to me? Stupid son of a bitch is what I am. I’ll sit here and I’ll bring myself down and you guys just read it and shake your heads and sit there and try to figure out where I am coming from. I should have tried harder. I should have tried my ass off instead of dickin’ around. Instead now I have to deal with what I haven’t.

People say “hey if St.Joe’s doesn’t work out for you go to community college?” Not to sound rude but Ill tell you my point after I ask if you are retarded. Community college is a fine way to go. But, I’ll be a bitch and say fuck it. I’ll tell you why now, if I was back in Washington, that is where I would be going to college, green river community college to be exact (going to college just to say I went not really wanting to go becuase I wanted to keep my track up of being a fuck up). When I came out here I told myself that I wasn’t going to turn out to be a dip shit and end up like my dad, I wanted better for myself, I was in the right situtaion to do this I had the suppourt I never had and the people in my life that i wish I had alwasy had. I was going to work my ass off to get into a 4 year college and I was going to prove to every one I was better than what I would have been in Washington…I can tell you this…this was my best year of high school. I worked hard maybe not as hard as I could have and I try and I did partly almost my best. All to watch my shit fall. That is why I will not go to community college. Because I thought I could watch my dreams be bigger than what they used to be. Look at me know folks. THIS IS NO ONES FAULT BESIDES MY OWN. I should have been working at top speed and not been stupid. Again, what was I expecting shit to be handed to me…and this is where I kid myself. I thought I was smart…I thought I was good and better than anything. Ha look how stupid I am now.

Mom and DDG, thank you so much for every thing you have ever given me and done and I’m sorry I shoved a lot of my responsibilities onto you guys. You never deserved that.

Talking to people about my problems gets me absolutely no where, so what better way to solve them then write about them. Better yet why not post them for the whole goddamned world to read…ha, if I’m going to go big might as well go big and loud. What the hell do I do know. I’m at a lose because of my own stupidity. Haha, so I’ll sit here with a dumb ass smirk on my face and act like I might get over it but common’ who doesn’t love a teenager who likes to sit around and be a fuck up.

I am one of those people that holds their problems in until they can no longer be held in, so what I am doing right now if you will, is called “venting”.

Ask anyone, I am usually one of the most positive people you could ever meet. I can give advice like you wouldn’t believe and I love to help out with problems. I could do it for a living listen to people and help them, because I care. But when it comes to me, haha good luck with kicking me back up. I try so hard to look at every situation and say “yes! It will happen and you have to believe it!” Now, I can do this for anyone and help them go their way and help them see what they need to do in order to make a dream or a possibility go their way. I would bend over for anyone to show them that I cared and that they can do whatever they set their mind to. Now look at me.

Take my own advice…? Dreams don’t happen to people that no longer believe in them. I was stupid and thought I could steal third. I guess I didn’t look at the pitcher in time to know he had is eye on me the whole time.

I hate to type and complain and who knows what you are thinking…that I’m crazy or I’m stupid… or maybe you feel bad. But I don’t want you to think any of that. This is me venting…judge me for what I put out here because hell it’s the only thing you have to go off of. Just know that this is venting. I don’t want anyone’s help. I don’t want advice, trust me I have best friends and I have gotten it out. I just have to sit and sweat it out now I guess.

Thanks for reading the shit,

Meg

One thought out of a million...Yellowcard

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one



Words describe what I feel but are better with a guitar and drums.
This really isn't directed towards anyone.
Then again it's direceted towards anyone. and everyone.

A little Late night story.

I want to tell you a little story. It’s almost three in the a.m. and I am wide awake. I can’t stop thinking. So I took a shower, not only because I couldn’t sleep but because it’s hotter than hell it self and I couldn’t sleep if some one paid me to.

I am the type of person that when I see a bug no matter what kind it is I have to scream and kill the little shit like it was a devil. But tonight I did some thing that has significant meaning to me, and possibly only me. I watched this bug on the bathroom floor, at first I wanted to kill it but I am in a different set of mind tonight, the thinking set. I watched this bug he obviously was hurt or something because he wasn’t walking to good, or what ever bugs do…crawl I guess. I did something stupid that I shouldn’t have done, I thought I would make myself feel better by not killing it and throwing a dirty towel over it and shoving it by the dirty clothes basket. I got into the shower for a good 7 or so minute and hopped out. I looked down on the floor and there he was! Assuming it was a he, I kind of sat there naked in a towel god smacked. I wanted to know why and where he was so determined to go. So I sat there, naked still thinking about how hard the hard ugly green thing was working to get to nowhere. Possibly just crawling to get away from the weird place he (or it) was in.

So being very careful, I got that bug and I let him (it) out of the front door. It had worked so hard for almost nothing and in the end he probably will die in a couple days but at least I know it’s not my fault. I was proud of myself. Stupid, yeah I know but then again no one has a say in what I think and what I can be proud of myself over.

This leads me to my story, as to why I’m actually typing. I type because one day I want people to learn from me. A silly nonsense filled 18 years old that has no idea where life will take me (that’s the way I like it).

A good start off to what I want to say, Ill try to keep on track but I often get lost and type about shit that happened about 70 minutes ago.

Waiting… is a game best played when you have a sponsored team like monster…at least you have a drink, otherwise waiting is no longer a game but a stress.

That is a motto, I guess I want to learn by and live by. I’d much rather take the monster. The situation I am in is not one that I intend to be blunt about and describe but I will tell you that right now, my brain hurts, literally, emotionally, physically. Any sense your thinking, it’s in pain. I have never been so tortured by time in my life. To figure out one small answer. It’s like that one time I had a crush on little Jimmy back in fourth grade and wrote him a love note asking him to write back, telling me if he loved me just the same. Ha, only to get a reply from him with something along the lines of…”Ewwww gross Meaghan Farris, you’re icky.”

This entry doesn’t make since and it doesn’t have to, because I don’t write for anyone but myself on here. And if you don’t get what I am saying then that is okay.

BUT…

I’ll expand another day, until then. Good night.

Bonding, haha

In this family going to the emergency room is just something that we do for fun. (?) I don’t think so. Yesterday night we had a huge bon fire with about 10 kids just the usual subjects as my mom would put it. Like all teenagers I guess I over did it on the sugar and candy, we all slept in the back ground and around six I had a nice cheer team in the bathroom holding my hair back and holding me up reassuring I got the puke in the toilet.

After finding out I really couldn’t walk let alone stop hyperventilating I decided someone should probably go get my mom. My support team then left and my mom took me the hospital. It turns out it was nothing big.

But I just wanted to throw a huge thank you out to B-May, Faggel and Paul. Along with the most important person my mom.

Funny story though, my “support team” had a funny way of helping me. I have never had a problem with making it to the toilet never have I threw up on the carpet nothing like that but Faggel decided that pulling my hair and screaming like a little girl saying “ewwwwww! Don’t you dare get that one me, ewwww ewww ewww Meaghan keep your head in the toilet!” Haha, If I wasn’t in so much pain I would have kicked the shit out of him. I wish I could have had an out of body experience and watched us do this.

Anyways, figured I’d share, I’m going to bed.

The doctor is done.

Well, my doctors appt. went quiet well compared to what I though I was going to have to do. My vagina didn’t have to get checked out and my boobs didn’t have to get touched. I maybe saw “my” doctor for about 5 minutes that was enough to make me want to have put more deodorant on though.

The most I learned out of the whole ordeal was that I need glasses like WHOA. Ha, she said I was basically blind (she meaning the nurse). We did the eye test and there was a nurse behind us and she was wicked old. She turned to me after I was done and said she hopes I don’t drive. Ha I assured her that I would invest in a pair of glasses before the summer was over and some crazy professor puts me in the back of the room.

On the other hand Megan also went in for her doctor’s appt. today, and came out with 5 shots and blood work. It is pretty bad to have seen her in that kind of shape…her she and I were in the same boat worried about or vaginas and we both walked out with shots instead. That is what I clarify as a good time.

The doctors.

Maybe It’s just me. I’m scared shit less right now. I don’t want to go to the doctor. I don’t want to have my physical to make sure everything is running properly. Actually I don’t really care about that. I can have then grab my boobs and weight me and hit my knee a couple times, but honestly do we have to go the vagina? Do we honestly have to? NO! Plus it’s not even my regular doctor. It’s a dude this time and he’s probably an old perv man. So guess what I did, I shave half of the va jay jay hair. I wanted to share that with you guys…so when I walk in he will be like WHAT?!?...

But I think I may go just finish it off…he’s not gunna see my privates nope! I’m good without that in my life! I’m perfectly fine. He can show me a picture of the “average” one and ill describe to him that it is exactly the same…or else I will remember that I’m on my period (which I’m not). But hell, hes going to have to add a tranquilizer shot to my bill today if he thinks he’s getting anywhere close to my vagina. It’s not for him, it’s not for anyone…just me!

My Mizzmo, adds in every time, “Meaghan, every girl has to get that checked out its life deal”. My response is, “No, its okay…he will make it without looking at mine today!”

I’ll let you guys know it goes.

UGH.

What I Do On A Wennnnsssss.

It's what we do. Cause trouble at wal-mart at 12am. Gotta give those old buff mean guys something to do :)

Screw mowing.

Ummm, weed whacking. It hurts. I never could understand why the guys around the block always wore pants on such hot days. Know I do and it sucks the way I had to find out. I hate it so much. I thought rocks being thrown every where from the damn lawnmower was bad, no. No it’s not. I had Faggel over to help me and if that kid has one gift it would be mowing. I hate it. Sooooo much. Figured I’d clue you in.

Here it comes.

I deleted my old blog…got a little old. Ha, I decided people didn’t want to read that and most of all I didn’t either. Anyways, I will I just want to remind everyone that I am a teenager, and horrible things will come out of my mouth and along with that no one may copy one word out of this. Not for legal documents, nothing.

Now on a lighter note, I changed my quote up top. I found it passionately reasonable. I love it and it fits every aspect of my life right now. Color wise it is dull, but I choose that because my words are intended to color the page as cheesy as that sounds, it’s what I hope for.

I feel like starting over and tell you guys about myself, because after this I plan on blogging for myself to come back to re-read and know what I was thinking. Not so I can entertain you guys. I do think though, that all of you will find mild humor. It’s kind of like a bag I carry. Humor. You’ll also read me complain. I vent just as anyone else does and I do it here. When I get hurt, when I’m happy, when I’m worried, and most of all when I’m confused.

I’m 18, very opinionated. I fight when I’m wrong even when I know it. I think I’m right about everything because hell I’m 18, but I also know that I’m not. I’m a full packaged deal. My life has it turns and I’m a wild driver. That means I cut the corners sometimes. I am blunt; I tell people what I think and most of the time I get dirty looks. I like it because at least they know where I stand. I look people in the eyes when I say what I need to and have to say. I’ll be going to college and you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll have a lot to say about that. I live with my mom, my step dad, and little sister. Each one will gradually be told about. No getting around it. My mom also known as Mizzmo will be mentioned a lot, she is one of my best friends and ummmmmm well my mom. I can’t work, read, or live without music. I do every thing with it. Sleep with it read with it drive with it. Everything. I don’t have a specific kind I like. Just like people, I cant live with out people and I don’t care what type of person. I work with people each and every day. At a grocery store. I work with my two best friends there. Megan (a.k.a as Tripps, Thei, or asshole which ever you prefer) And Zack (a.k.a. as Faggel or dumbass again which ever you prefer).

I live each minute at a time and am not really planning anything. It’s not what I like; I can recite the whole “superbad” movie. I’m a smart ass and a dumb ass. I try to use big words but most of the time I can’t figure out what the hell I’m saying. I passionate about a lot of things and I won’t resin it for you. For more details stay tuned. I never finish off what I want to say but enjoy what you have.

One last one...

I will miss my Mom and I will miss DDG when I go off to college but I will miss this one, alot. I love her.

The people you need to meet.

I'm religous, just not your kind.

[Chorus:]
Before I Sleep I Pray To The Lord
A Soul To Keep
And If I Should Die
Before I Wake
I Pray To The Lord
My Soul To Take
For Goodness Sake
[Repeat]
Yeah I Wrote My Will Just The Other Week
And Whats Funny, It Was Only One Sheet
And I Know Theres Only One Me
But I Hope I Am Everything My Son Be
Im Trying To Live Right, Stay On That Drum Beat
But Im In The Fast Lane, In The Front Seat
I Wonder Will I Loose Control Of The Mazarati And Hit Some Tree Just Being Young Me
Is There A Heaven For G's And Soldiers? I Cant Go To Hell, Cause I'd Take Over
I Feel It Approaching, But I Aint Scared
I Made That Bed, And I Should Rest In Peace

[Chorus:]
Before I Sleep I Pray To The Lord
A Soul To Keep
And If I Should Die
Before I Wake
I Pray To The Lord
My Soul To Take
For Goodness Sake
[Repeat]

Yeah And Everytime I See The Sunshine
I Drop Down And Give Thanks At Least One Time
Feelin Like Im Living On The Front Line
Im Feelin Like Every Second Is Crunch Time
I've Had Breakfast, Will I Make It To Lunchtime?
And I Ain't Joking, So Dont Be Looking For Punchlines
Will I Be The Next Victim Of A Gun Crime
I Dont Know The Answer, Thats Why I Brung Mine

Riding By Myself Late At Night
Pistol On My Lap At Every Single Red Light
Yeah I Made My Bed Right, So When I Do I Should Sleep Tight
In Peace I Rest

I don't really like this song. I like some of the words and I put it on here becuase religon is what you make of it. Words to live by.