Song of My Day.

You
In your shell
Are you waiting for someone to rescue you
From yourself
Don't be disappointed when no one comes

Don't blame me you didn't get it
Don't blame me you didn't get it
Don't blame me you didn't get it

I already told you that falling is easy
It's getting back up that becomes the problem
Becomes the problem
If you don't believe you can find a way out
You've become the problem
Become the problem

You
All alone
Are you waiting for someone to make you whole?
Can't you see?
Aren't you tired of this dysfunctional routine?

Don't blame me you didn't get it
Don't blame me you didn't get it
Don't blame me you didn't get it

I already told you that falling is easy
It's getting back up that becomes the problem
Becomes the problem
If you don't believe you can find a way out
You've become the problem
Become the problem

I already told you that falling is easy
It's getting back up that becomes the problem
Becomes the problem
If you don't believe you can find a way out
You've become the problem
Become the problem

Falling is easy
It's getting back up that becomes the problem
Becomes the problem
And if you believe you can find a way out
Then you've solved the problem
You've solved your problem.

-Staind "falling"

My song of the day...Got nothing else to say. Not depressed just reminds me of situations.

Wow

I don’t feel like writing anything deep or adoring. Not much is adoring so I have to refuse to write about it. My brother is back with his other twin. I can’t say how happy I am that he’s around now. I was very pleased to find that he is still the same Matty I know and love to death. Wonderful : ) Next up, Pauly leaves for school soon, I hope no one around here excepts me to be happy for a while. Ha, because their expectations are just short of never happening. Hummm Hummmm, today I start working out? To get ready for basic... maybe I’ll start eating my food grinded up and dried as well. Yeah, fat chance. But any who, figured I’d leave a short shit of a post. Isn’t it lovely? Please don’t lie. Which by the way I found an interesting quote either out of a t.v. show or book. I can’t think of which one I it was but it goes like this “People who tell the truth aren’t creative enough to make up a believable story”, truly if you have any morals, you wont find that amusing. I don’t have anything to lie about but if I did the creative shit I would make up.

Anyways. That’s enough fun for the day, grabbing the bro-ha and headed to run my three miles. Or maybe two…or even one. It will be fun no matter what. I think?

Hearts In A Couple Peices.

I got out of work this morning. Bitching, at the world at my car at the stupid floor cleaners for having to wax and screw up my blocking rituals. Bitching at my car (not mine but my mothers) for drinking an unknown fluid. Bitching about Pauly Pocket for not having told me his “grand ol’ news” earlier. Bitching about Tom and how he didn’t say but 5 words to me at work. Mad that Eddie wasn’t there to call me princess, mad I couldn’t go down to get my brother with my parents. Bitch Bitch bitch, about MONEY…god the money. I wish I had enough to shove in peoples mouths to make them shut up. Put up. And go away. Bitching about anything and everything. Just not a happy camper. Because I have so much to BITCH about. I walk into my house. Climbing the damn steps, pretty sure I bitched about the steps being to large for my harley of an ass to go up. Complaining the whole way. I get to the computer and the first thing I always do is go to my moms blog. Just to see what’s going on. The first words I see are of Joshua’s, I of course want to turn away because even though I never knew this big brother of mine, I can’t handle reading about him. It hurts and I don’t know why. I have no reason for it to hurt. But I read. I cried…And cried. I think when I finally got to his picture I walked down stairs and cried into my pillow. I complain all night about everything I have. I come home to read this post that breaks my heart but at the same time makes me want to hug my mom.

She’s been through a lot. I have tried. I have prayed even though I don’t know who to any more, but I do only hope for the best. Even when she hurts my feelings, or hurts my ego, I hit the center of the earth today. My petty problems are my own. I’ll figure out how to deal. But my mom, got a gift. That dream. It breaks my heart that I could never meet this amazing child but I can’t stop crying. For once, I am beside myself and speechless. I pray this is what is needed to help her. I also pray once again to I don’t know who, that my big brother is the angle for all of us.

I don’t have much else to say, but after a 30 minute cry and a walk to clear my eyes. I actually opened up to the sun today. I have nothing to complain about. Not now. Not for a while. Now I’m just amazed.

Love you Joshy.

Hair Extenions

…Are indeed a waste of money? But I must say I am willing to waste 25 dollars to do it, once again. In fact I did and right after I’m done writing this I will head my fanny down stairs to take a gander and the work in which I must do to my hair. My mother calls it my mullet. She is correct. It looks like a mullet when I wake up, when I wash my hair and if I don’t hair spray it enough. The thing is, is that I regret cutting my hair more then anything else that I have ever done in my short 19 years of life. Call me shallow, I won’t mind. I miss my hair. Which bring me to another piece of the part of the pie if you will? Hair, it looks amazing long and flowing in the wind and to hold that power to feel invincible with my hair…(if you’re a girly) well it’s a feeling women take for miss fortune. The reason I say this, I will be soon, oh so very soon, going off to boot camp where my hair will forever be in a tight bun up to regulations of the USAF. I will then learn on my days off just how lucky I am to have a day off and wear my hair down. This is where I get deep. I am proud and happy I made the decision to join. I never thought little stubborn Meg would have the balls to go defend her country. So like m hair, I will be straight and with regulation all the time. 100% of my days and nights will be to this country but I have gods given gift to wear my hair down on my days off. To feel wonderful (on and off of duty). I just hope one day all those people I let down or look down on me or dislike me some days, maybe most days will say “Meg did something good”. I hope I can make them proud. I’ll still always be the same old Meg. Never willing to back down from an argument. Never putting up with the bull shit. Always trying to make some one laugh, always loving my family especially that little kiddo sister of mine. I’ll always have them wont I?


Now, in less then a week my twin will be here. The kid I used to beat the shit out of, the kid I stuck up for and got into so many physical fights to defend him right or wrong, who pushed when I could. My big brother is coming. I’m in love with that statement. But out of all things I hope one day he is as proud of me as I am of him. He’s my twin forever contacted in blood and truths, who’s only seen some of the horrible things I have seen and been through some of the roughest part of like I have been through…I hope that he out of all people besides DDG and Mizzmo along with my sister is proud of me. I owe him forever and what ever I can give I will. He’s 19 as am I, and will endure a lot moving out here to the east coast but like I said before he’s Matty. My big brother. He can do it. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is a hard worker. He WILL make my mom and DDG proud and with the help of those two, the man he is will become even better. I’ll help him as much as I can in the next 3 months I have left with him, but again. He is a man; he will do what’s best for him. I miss him, it’s been two years and I get to see the kid again. So very excited.

But that’s enough of the deep shit for this part; I want to mention my job. My place of work. I work night crew. I stock shelves. I get looked down upon for the work I do, like I’m scum…all of the guys I work with can relate. Who would ever want that job? Haha, we would. Those amazing guys and I. Do you ever wonder how the store is always stocked or who puts the hard work into making sure the food that you buy is there for you to get? The “scum” does. Let me reassure you we are not scum. The guys I work with are pretty damn amazing. They make my job the best I have had yet. We work 10pm-7am every day. We throw shit on the shelf pull it forward and make sure it’s all up to company standards before we leave. We work pretty damn hard. But still when the morning comes. People walk in and look at us…like we are no good. The guys and I (the reason for saying that is because I work with 12 guys and I being the only girl) laugh at remarks like this or when people turn up their noses at us. We really do laugh. Because no matter what a store would never get stocked if people like us weren’t there to do it. That means you would have no food to buy. So the next time your in a store, grab a comment card and write something about thanking the “scum” that works over night to make sure you get the products you want : )

Sassy aye? I think so. Strong feelings towards something I love, such as my job.

Lastly, I want to tell my mom, that no matter what, you’re bringing my brother out here and in time or maybe even now his will thank you for helping him and his future out. You and DDG are both amazing for the work that’s about bestow you. Matty probably wont fight with you like do, and he will probably give you a more “grown up” response to your questions unlike I do, but he will thank you. You’re going to do great things to lead that kid in the right way. I love ya, I may be a bitch sometimes but hell 3 more months and you won’t have to worry about my ass making a fool out of itself any longer.

That’s it for today I think. Yeah yeah, I’m done. Good night :)