Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Haha, forgot to include my new favorite song...

Gotta Be Somebody- Nickelback
This time I wonder what it feels like To find the one in this life The one we all dream of But dreams just aren't enough So I´ll be waiting for the real thing. I'll know it by the feeling. The moment when we´re meeting Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen So I`ll be holdin’ my breath Right up to the end Until that moment when I find the one that I'll spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there. 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Somebody else that feels the same somewhere. There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight And damn it this feels too right It´s just like Déjà Vu Me standin’ here with you So I´ll be holdin`my breath Could this be the end? Is it that moment when I find the one that I spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there 'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up! When you're Lookin´ for a diamond in the rough Because you never know when it shows up Make sure you´re holdin` on ‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there. And everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Someone to love with my life in their hands. There has gotta be somebody for me Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go it on their own And everyone wants to know they´re not alone. Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there And everyone wants to feel like someone cares. Is there somebody else that feels the same somewhere? There has gotta be somebody for me out there.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Haha, You've been waiting huh?

So, I imagine my like 3 readers have been wondering where I have died and went off to. In fact if they are still reading I wouldlike to say thank you and that I have been busy with this little thing called COLLEGE. College is my new boyfriend to put it lightly.

My boy friend (college) is VERY demanding. It would like at least 24 hours put of my day all days of the week. What a needy one huh? You ask how could I possibly be sharing this information with you if I came so cramped for time. Well, I’m going on my third week and I am finally settling in. Once I figure out how to re-size pictures Ill give you a birds eyes view of our dorm.

Anyways hows life treating me…wonderful. I love college and am more then willing to share but I just wanted to let you all know I am back and more then happy to let you all in on my everyday life. Well as much as the boyfriend will let me. Ill remind you again it is very demanding. I have to head to a meeting (yes at 7:30, activities J).

Write more later…promise!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Think again.

Discovering negativity is something that sucks. To put into the light contrast of words. I am a positive person, ha and some how that is irritating to type because this is all in relation to the last post I posted. Which was complete bullshit. I read it about three times this morning (afternoon if you will) and I just kept reading it. I don’t think I have ever been more stupid in my life. I’ll let you know that now when I call myself stupid it is not because I think that I, me, myself isn’t stupid. The situation and the mind frame I had with the situation is was stupid.

In this life no one is going to help you out but yourself. No one is in charge of making one single person happy and go lucky except for them selves. Life isn’t butterflies and daisies. The sun doesn’t shine all the time and some times the grass is not green on the other side. Some times when a situation is brought onto that person I think it is a test.

My test for the past I don’t know year…has been to see how far I could push myself and still believe that I was going to get some where. Now lately, I have gotten to choose, to be positive and watch things pass me by, or be negative and shove people odd left and right. There is another yet another option if you let yourself find it. After sitting in bed until three p.m. this after noon thinking about where life was going to take me.

Haha, I decided I’m not going to let life take me anywhere…I’m going to take it some where. I decided that no one got anywhere sitting around wishing everything was better. So why would do it.

Other people do have a tough life, other people do have it way harder than what I could ever dream about and that is why I pray, for them. Because I hope one day they can look at their situations and be positive and one day MAYBE JUST ONE DAY, what they have worked so hard for will turn for the better for them.

With everything I have done lately there has been a road block there to put a stop to my way. I decided that it was stupid to let it get me down and that when the car cant make it around those road blocks anymore, well that’s when you get your bike off the roof and start pedaling.

My bike is down and my helmet is on and better yet I have a couple more people with me that are singing the same tune that I am.

I’m Meaghan Farris, or my friends know me as Meaghan Fucking Farris. When I have my mind set on something I go for it. It takes a lot for me to get down. But what I realize is that every time you get knocked down it takes you that much more strength to get back up on your feet. Once you overcome one level of a game you don’t go back down. So know that I have been put down hard and have gotten up, I think I’m ready for some bigger deals and better levels. Ha at the end of every level you get a prize whether it is small or huge. It will come.

Work hard for what I want and get what I need, deserve what I ask for and work for everything that is needed.

I go this.

Venting, It'd be wrong for you to judge but you will anyways, huh?

There isn’t a better way I can say what I have to say. I want to explode with what I have to say and yet I have nothing. I want explain every vivid yet undefined line in my life. Usually I hit something when I’m irritated when I’m frustrated or confused I break things, and I hurt people. But I don’t want to do anything like that right now. Because technically this is my entire fault what ever “it” is.

“They” say you should talk to some one when you’re hurt or confused…but what happens if every ear is open to you and you don’t want to use it. They give advice that I don’t want, in the end I know myself better than anyone else, I will be polite shake my head and say thank you but I’ll never think again of what they said. I have amazing people in my life and yet, I can’t look at them without turning my head when their eyes beg me to tell them what’s wrong but I can’t open up to tell them what level of my game I am on.

I feel stupid on top of that complaining when other people have their own problems that are far bigger than my own.

Lately stress has been my middle name, I had no idea what that was until recently…what stress was. Maybe I had discovered a certain degree of it at some point but I never felt this way before.

I live by a certain phrase, Ha, I try to remember it most of the time anyone asks what my favorite quote is. “Every thing happens for a reason”- I try to live by that and not ask questions. But today, I feel like I want answers. I don’t want to ask questions I want answers as to why things turn out the way they do. I want to know why you try and nothing happens. Or when you do try and you work your ass off and try to make the outcome good nothing happens.

People say good things happen to those that deserve it. Am I not a good person, do I cuss too much? Do I act like a Bitch to much? Was I really that disrespectful? Hell, I shouldn’t be bitching right now I shouldn’t be complaining. But what the fuck…I’m going to and it won’t be pretty at all. I’d advise you to stop reading right now if you don’t want to read negative shit anymore.

Getting into college, awesome right? Most amazing time of my life right? Grand ol’ time up with the kids that I’ll be living with for the next 4 years. Ha, what the fuck is all that supposed to mean? What if you can’t even get that far? What do you tell people then? “Hey guess what guys!? I got into college but I can’t go because I didn’t work hard enough!”

DDG and my mom are damn amazing people bending over backwards at any given time. I love and respect that about them. What happens when they can no longer help. What happens when they have did every thing they could do? This is were I have discovered my passion. Being a “fuck up”. I am upset with myself for ever getting my goddamn hopes up….what was I expecting, shit to be handed to me? Stupid son of a bitch is what I am. I’ll sit here and I’ll bring myself down and you guys just read it and shake your heads and sit there and try to figure out where I am coming from. I should have tried harder. I should have tried my ass off instead of dickin’ around. Instead now I have to deal with what I haven’t.

People say “hey if St.Joe’s doesn’t work out for you go to community college?” Not to sound rude but Ill tell you my point after I ask if you are retarded. Community college is a fine way to go. But, I’ll be a bitch and say fuck it. I’ll tell you why now, if I was back in Washington, that is where I would be going to college, green river community college to be exact (going to college just to say I went not really wanting to go becuase I wanted to keep my track up of being a fuck up). When I came out here I told myself that I wasn’t going to turn out to be a dip shit and end up like my dad, I wanted better for myself, I was in the right situtaion to do this I had the suppourt I never had and the people in my life that i wish I had alwasy had. I was going to work my ass off to get into a 4 year college and I was going to prove to every one I was better than what I would have been in Washington…I can tell you this…this was my best year of high school. I worked hard maybe not as hard as I could have and I try and I did partly almost my best. All to watch my shit fall. That is why I will not go to community college. Because I thought I could watch my dreams be bigger than what they used to be. Look at me know folks. THIS IS NO ONES FAULT BESIDES MY OWN. I should have been working at top speed and not been stupid. Again, what was I expecting shit to be handed to me…and this is where I kid myself. I thought I was smart…I thought I was good and better than anything. Ha look how stupid I am now.

Mom and DDG, thank you so much for every thing you have ever given me and done and I’m sorry I shoved a lot of my responsibilities onto you guys. You never deserved that.

Talking to people about my problems gets me absolutely no where, so what better way to solve them then write about them. Better yet why not post them for the whole goddamned world to read…ha, if I’m going to go big might as well go big and loud. What the hell do I do know. I’m at a lose because of my own stupidity. Haha, so I’ll sit here with a dumb ass smirk on my face and act like I might get over it but common’ who doesn’t love a teenager who likes to sit around and be a fuck up.

I am one of those people that holds their problems in until they can no longer be held in, so what I am doing right now if you will, is called “venting”.

Ask anyone, I am usually one of the most positive people you could ever meet. I can give advice like you wouldn’t believe and I love to help out with problems. I could do it for a living listen to people and help them, because I care. But when it comes to me, haha good luck with kicking me back up. I try so hard to look at every situation and say “yes! It will happen and you have to believe it!” Now, I can do this for anyone and help them go their way and help them see what they need to do in order to make a dream or a possibility go their way. I would bend over for anyone to show them that I cared and that they can do whatever they set their mind to. Now look at me.

Take my own advice…? Dreams don’t happen to people that no longer believe in them. I was stupid and thought I could steal third. I guess I didn’t look at the pitcher in time to know he had is eye on me the whole time.

I hate to type and complain and who knows what you are thinking…that I’m crazy or I’m stupid… or maybe you feel bad. But I don’t want you to think any of that. This is me venting…judge me for what I put out here because hell it’s the only thing you have to go off of. Just know that this is venting. I don’t want anyone’s help. I don’t want advice, trust me I have best friends and I have gotten it out. I just have to sit and sweat it out now I guess.

Thanks for reading the shit,

Meg

One thought out of a million...Yellowcard

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one



Words describe what I feel but are better with a guitar and drums.
This really isn't directed towards anyone.
Then again it's direceted towards anyone. and everyone.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

A little Late night story.

I want to tell you a little story. It’s almost three in the a.m. and I am wide awake. I can’t stop thinking. So I took a shower, not only because I couldn’t sleep but because it’s hotter than hell it self and I couldn’t sleep if some one paid me to.

I am the type of person that when I see a bug no matter what kind it is I have to scream and kill the little shit like it was a devil. But tonight I did some thing that has significant meaning to me, and possibly only me. I watched this bug on the bathroom floor, at first I wanted to kill it but I am in a different set of mind tonight, the thinking set. I watched this bug he obviously was hurt or something because he wasn’t walking to good, or what ever bugs do…crawl I guess. I did something stupid that I shouldn’t have done, I thought I would make myself feel better by not killing it and throwing a dirty towel over it and shoving it by the dirty clothes basket. I got into the shower for a good 7 or so minute and hopped out. I looked down on the floor and there he was! Assuming it was a he, I kind of sat there naked in a towel god smacked. I wanted to know why and where he was so determined to go. So I sat there, naked still thinking about how hard the hard ugly green thing was working to get to nowhere. Possibly just crawling to get away from the weird place he (or it) was in.

So being very careful, I got that bug and I let him (it) out of the front door. It had worked so hard for almost nothing and in the end he probably will die in a couple days but at least I know it’s not my fault. I was proud of myself. Stupid, yeah I know but then again no one has a say in what I think and what I can be proud of myself over.

This leads me to my story, as to why I’m actually typing. I type because one day I want people to learn from me. A silly nonsense filled 18 years old that has no idea where life will take me (that’s the way I like it).

A good start off to what I want to say, Ill try to keep on track but I often get lost and type about shit that happened about 70 minutes ago.

Waiting… is a game best played when you have a sponsored team like monster…at least you have a drink, otherwise waiting is no longer a game but a stress.

That is a motto, I guess I want to learn by and live by. I’d much rather take the monster. The situation I am in is not one that I intend to be blunt about and describe but I will tell you that right now, my brain hurts, literally, emotionally, physically. Any sense your thinking, it’s in pain. I have never been so tortured by time in my life. To figure out one small answer. It’s like that one time I had a crush on little Jimmy back in fourth grade and wrote him a love note asking him to write back, telling me if he loved me just the same. Ha, only to get a reply from him with something along the lines of…”Ewwww gross Meaghan Farris, you’re icky.”

This entry doesn’t make since and it doesn’t have to, because I don’t write for anyone but myself on here. And if you don’t get what I am saying then that is okay.

BUT…

I’ll expand another day, until then. Good night.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Bonding, haha

In this family going to the emergency room is just something that we do for fun. (?) I don’t think so. Yesterday night we had a huge bon fire with about 10 kids just the usual subjects as my mom would put it. Like all teenagers I guess I over did it on the sugar and candy, we all slept in the back ground and around six I had a nice cheer team in the bathroom holding my hair back and holding me up reassuring I got the puke in the toilet.

After finding out I really couldn’t walk let alone stop hyperventilating I decided someone should probably go get my mom. My support team then left and my mom took me the hospital. It turns out it was nothing big.

But I just wanted to throw a huge thank you out to B-May, Faggel and Paul. Along with the most important person my mom.

Funny story though, my “support team” had a funny way of helping me. I have never had a problem with making it to the toilet never have I threw up on the carpet nothing like that but Faggel decided that pulling my hair and screaming like a little girl saying “ewwwwww! Don’t you dare get that one me, ewwww ewww ewww Meaghan keep your head in the toilet!” Haha, If I wasn’t in so much pain I would have kicked the shit out of him. I wish I could have had an out of body experience and watched us do this.

Anyways, figured I’d share, I’m going to bed.

Friday, July 11, 2008

The doctor is done.

Well, my doctors appt. went quiet well compared to what I though I was going to have to do. My vagina didn’t have to get checked out and my boobs didn’t have to get touched. I maybe saw “my” doctor for about 5 minutes that was enough to make me want to have put more deodorant on though.

The most I learned out of the whole ordeal was that I need glasses like WHOA. Ha, she said I was basically blind (she meaning the nurse). We did the eye test and there was a nurse behind us and she was wicked old. She turned to me after I was done and said she hopes I don’t drive. Ha I assured her that I would invest in a pair of glasses before the summer was over and some crazy professor puts me in the back of the room.

On the other hand Megan also went in for her doctor’s appt. today, and came out with 5 shots and blood work. It is pretty bad to have seen her in that kind of shape…her she and I were in the same boat worried about or vaginas and we both walked out with shots instead. That is what I clarify as a good time.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The doctors.

Maybe It’s just me. I’m scared shit less right now. I don’t want to go to the doctor. I don’t want to have my physical to make sure everything is running properly. Actually I don’t really care about that. I can have then grab my boobs and weight me and hit my knee a couple times, but honestly do we have to go the vagina? Do we honestly have to? NO! Plus it’s not even my regular doctor. It’s a dude this time and he’s probably an old perv man. So guess what I did, I shave half of the va jay jay hair. I wanted to share that with you guys…so when I walk in he will be like WHAT?!?...

But I think I may go just finish it off…he’s not gunna see my privates nope! I’m good without that in my life! I’m perfectly fine. He can show me a picture of the “average” one and ill describe to him that it is exactly the same…or else I will remember that I’m on my period (which I’m not). But hell, hes going to have to add a tranquilizer shot to my bill today if he thinks he’s getting anywhere close to my vagina. It’s not for him, it’s not for anyone…just me!

My Mizzmo, adds in every time, “Meaghan, every girl has to get that checked out its life deal”. My response is, “No, its okay…he will make it without looking at mine today!”

I’ll let you guys know it goes.

UGH.

What I Do On A Wennnnsssss.





















































It's what we do. Cause trouble at wal-mart at 12am. Gotta give those old buff mean guys something to do :)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Screw mowing.

Ummm, weed whacking. It hurts. I never could understand why the guys around the block always wore pants on such hot days. Know I do and it sucks the way I had to find out. I hate it so much. I thought rocks being thrown every where from the damn lawnmower was bad, no. No it’s not. I had Faggel over to help me and if that kid has one gift it would be mowing. I hate it. Sooooo much. Figured I’d clue you in.

Here it comes.

I deleted my old blog…got a little old. Ha, I decided people didn’t want to read that and most of all I didn’t either. Anyways, I will I just want to remind everyone that I am a teenager, and horrible things will come out of my mouth and along with that no one may copy one word out of this. Not for legal documents, nothing.

Now on a lighter note, I changed my quote up top. I found it passionately reasonable. I love it and it fits every aspect of my life right now. Color wise it is dull, but I choose that because my words are intended to color the page as cheesy as that sounds, it’s what I hope for.

I feel like starting over and tell you guys about myself, because after this I plan on blogging for myself to come back to re-read and know what I was thinking. Not so I can entertain you guys. I do think though, that all of you will find mild humor. It’s kind of like a bag I carry. Humor. You’ll also read me complain. I vent just as anyone else does and I do it here. When I get hurt, when I’m happy, when I’m worried, and most of all when I’m confused.

I’m 18, very opinionated. I fight when I’m wrong even when I know it. I think I’m right about everything because hell I’m 18, but I also know that I’m not. I’m a full packaged deal. My life has it turns and I’m a wild driver. That means I cut the corners sometimes. I am blunt; I tell people what I think and most of the time I get dirty looks. I like it because at least they know where I stand. I look people in the eyes when I say what I need to and have to say. I’ll be going to college and you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll have a lot to say about that. I live with my mom, my step dad, and little sister. Each one will gradually be told about. No getting around it. My mom also known as Mizzmo will be mentioned a lot, she is one of my best friends and ummmmmm well my mom. I can’t work, read, or live without music. I do every thing with it. Sleep with it read with it drive with it. Everything. I don’t have a specific kind I like. Just like people, I cant live with out people and I don’t care what type of person. I work with people each and every day. At a grocery store. I work with my two best friends there. Megan (a.k.a as Tripps, Thei, or asshole which ever you prefer) And Zack (a.k.a. as Faggel or dumbass again which ever you prefer).

I live each minute at a time and am not really planning anything. It’s not what I like; I can recite the whole “superbad” movie. I’m a smart ass and a dumb ass. I try to use big words but most of the time I can’t figure out what the hell I’m saying. I passionate about a lot of things and I won’t resin it for you. For more details stay tuned. I never finish off what I want to say but enjoy what you have.

One last one...
































































I will miss my Mom and I will miss DDG when I go off to college but I will miss this one, alot. I love her.

The people you need to meet.






I'm religous, just not your kind.

[Chorus:]
Before I Sleep I Pray To The Lord
A Soul To Keep
And If I Should Die
Before I Wake
I Pray To The Lord
My Soul To Take
For Goodness Sake
[Repeat]
Yeah I Wrote My Will Just The Other Week
And Whats Funny, It Was Only One Sheet
And I Know Theres Only One Me
But I Hope I Am Everything My Son Be
Im Trying To Live Right, Stay On That Drum Beat
But Im In The Fast Lane, In The Front Seat
I Wonder Will I Loose Control Of The Mazarati And Hit Some Tree Just Being Young Me
Is There A Heaven For G's And Soldiers? I Cant Go To Hell, Cause I'd Take Over
I Feel It Approaching, But I Aint Scared
I Made That Bed, And I Should Rest In Peace

[Chorus:]
Before I Sleep I Pray To The Lord
A Soul To Keep
And If I Should Die
Before I Wake
I Pray To The Lord
My Soul To Take
For Goodness Sake
[Repeat]

Yeah And Everytime I See The Sunshine
I Drop Down And Give Thanks At Least One Time
Feelin Like Im Living On The Front Line
Im Feelin Like Every Second Is Crunch Time
I've Had Breakfast, Will I Make It To Lunchtime?
And I Ain't Joking, So Dont Be Looking For Punchlines
Will I Be The Next Victim Of A Gun Crime
I Dont Know The Answer, Thats Why I Brung Mine

Riding By Myself Late At Night
Pistol On My Lap At Every Single Red Light
Yeah I Made My Bed Right, So When I Do I Should Sleep Tight
In Peace I Rest

I don't really like this song. I like some of the words and I put it on here becuase religon is what you make of it. Words to live by.